questioning everything on your first day?

On our first official day of homeschooling, I had created a “modest” to-do list of reading, spelling, writing, math and history. I had prepared an inviting table area, and I had snacks and music to support my mission. But instead of caring at all about my list, my oldest child made a mobile piece of art made out of… hangers. We didn't cross anything off my list. Not one academic thing. I felt helpless and overwhelmed. At the end of the day, I questioned everything. What had I done?!? We would slip into a routine of schoolwork at the table, right?

Nope, we never got into the habit of sitting at the table for very long, and I’m so thankful. Instead of more disciplined work time, we slipped into more play time. Instead of paper and pencil, we did more slime and sidewalk chalk. Instead of table work, we did more nature walks. I regret nothing!

Studying my kids that first year of homeschooling, I found that kids learn more when they’re following their own interests. I learned that a joyful homeschool is a learning homeschool. Creative play is Writing. Shopping is Math. Everything we did supported our kids’ learning differences, mental health, and critical thinking skills. I could not have dreamed of a better learning environment.

Several years later, our family, while in New York City, visited the Met Museum. There, I spotted a piece of art that looked oddly familiar. It was a mobile made out of… hangers. I stood in awe of this simple and stunning piece of art. Somebody had gotten paid big bucks to do the thing I dismissed in my child, because IT WASN’T ON MY LIST! How many brilliant ideas and activities have we pushed to the side because it didn’t feel like a real learning experience or it wasn’t on our lists?

What do your kids love doing? How can you give that thing the value it deserves?

inclusive>exclusive

We have been hard at work here at Homeschool Unrefined, crafting a list of our favorite inclusive books for your homeschool. Which got us thinking… we’re still creating lists of our favorite INCLUSIVE books! Because most books are not. We have to seek out inclusive homeschool co-ops. Because most co-ops are not. We have to use the word inclusive in order to communicate that we’re a safe place for everyone. Because most homeschool places are not. Homeschool friends, we must do better.

There came a point in our homeschool when we could not, in good consciousness, join a homeschool community that did not accept, celebrate, and be informed about our BIPOC, LGBTQ+, neurodivergent, and disabled friends. We couldn’t turn a blind eye to the way those communities exclude others. The way they think people are wrong or dangerous or not good for their own families because they are different.

We are no experts, and we are continuously learning to be more inclusive and informed.

One way we changed the conversation around equity and inclusion in our homeschool was by reading books by and about people who have a diverse perspective. When we read diverse books, we see ourselves with a more accurate perspective of our place in this world. We develop understanding and empathy. In fact, we learn that we are part of a beautiful community of people who, when we all learn from each other, can work together to create more beauty in the world. It's an upward cycle. We might also see ourselves in diverse books. We feel seen. We feel heard. We feel connected. We feel included.

Stay tuned here for Homeschool Unrefined’s Top 100 Inclusive Booklist!

your child is not behind

Hey parents, great news! Your child is not behind. Or ahead. They are exactly where they should be right now.

Have you spent hours, days, months, or years fretting over how to catch your kids up to their grade level in a certain area? Us too! As homeschoolers, it’s easy to idealize everyone else’s perfect homeschool. We imagine perfect children sitting at a perfectly clean table, efficiently and happily doing their lessons, and learning above and beyond what is expected in the categories deemed important by your state. Or by you.

Spoiler alert: that’s not real. And whatever benchmark you’ve set for your child isn’t real either. Our kids are natural learners. They can’t help but learn… when they are ready. If their brain is not ready, they will learn what they have capacity for, and the rest will blow past them. The amount of time and effort we put into making something stick is sometimes so huge, but the reality is, if our kids aren’t ready for the information, the learning is not happening… until they are ready, in which case, we can put much less time and effort into a topic. This is when we see a burst of learning happen when we least expect it!

Why do we try to catch up? It’s when we get into this unhealthy loop of thinking that we aren’t enough, our kids aren’t enough, and our homeschool isn’t enough. It’s this deficit mentality that pushes us into the damaging behavior of trying to fill in an empty hole. Our kids are not holes to be filled. They are complex human beings, who are wired to wonder, explore, experiment, synthesize, and communicate. In other words, they are wired to learn! We have to change our mindset to see the learning. To notice that our kids are learning all the time. To give them credit for all the work they’re doing, even though it doesn’t line up with state standards.

So what’s our job? We get to witness this miracle of learning! We get to encourage the process. We get to prepare the environment for efficient and enjoyable learning. We can provide tools and supplies. We can plan trips to the library or the museum. We can follow our kids down their own rabbit holes of interests. We can introduce concepts when we see our kids open and ready for them. We can back off when we see it’s not the right time or the right activity. We can try again later. We can understand that our kids are not behind. Or ahead. They are right where they need to be.

❤️

Maren and Angela